Writing, chaos and contentment

content2I did a day’s teaching today and one of my colleagues commented on how relaxed I looked. I admitted to feeling relaxed and she asked what my secret was. She said wanted to know what she needed to do to feel ‘just a bit of what I feel’ so that she could and make to ‘after-Christmas,’ when she could relax a bit.’

It’s an incredibly busy time of year. The hive of activity in most organisations seems to steadily intensify before reaching a crescendo just before breaking for holiday season. Everywhere I look I see people stressed to the max! Racing from one thing to another, frantically chasing their kids, or their colleagues, or their shopping trolleys, but mostly just chasing their tails. It’s the time of year that seems to send everyone into a frenzy. But I don’t feel it.

I thought about what my colleague had said. And it’s true—I do feel relaxed. I am enjoying every single day. Whether I’m teaching at school, tutoring at uni, researching, or writing, I enjoy every day. It’s been the same for the past six months. Because I am living my dream.

Finally, at the ripe old age of #%,  I’m doing exactly what I‘ve always wanted to do. And I love it. I love every part of it. It doesn’t mean I don’t experience frustration or writers’ block or the pressure of a deadline. Nor does it mean that I don’t occasionally get annoyed or upset; that’s part of the human condition.

But when I look around and see the stress and tension that seems to consume some people, I am incredibly grateful that all I feel is contentment. There is nothing I would rather be doing than writing. The desire to write has been inside me since childhood. I’ve always known I had to write. I realize now that I never had a choice.

It was during the years that I fought the need to write that I experienced the most disharmony.  I thought a steady job with a regular income was more important. I thought money in the bank and home ownership should take precedence over my ‘dreams.’ Of course, those basic needs were important, but what I didn’t understand was that once I was living my dream, all the stress and fear and chaos and unhappiness that goes along with fighting your most basic driving force (which for me, was writing), would fall away.

And it has. Sure, I don’t own a home anymore, and I don’t have a steady job with a good income. I have so much more than that! I have joy in my heart. I wake up feeling excited about each day. I look forward to every step along the road I am currently travelling. And I feel so lucky.

During that same conversation today, someone else asked me if I was going away for the holidays. I told them I wasn’t because I was back at my desk straight after New Year.  They shook their head and said “you poor thing.” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. It is entirely by choice that I’ll be back at my desk. There is nowhere that I’d rather be.

So, those of you who are yearning for the holidays, so that they can do something they enjoy, instead of working, I hope you have a great holiday. For me? I experience the wonderfulness of doing something I love every day!

Happy Holidays!